It’s my new prayer, the soft addition before my “amen”. I bring Him my desires. I bring Him this heart that seems to beat for things always out of its reach. And then I ask Him not to give me something simply because I want it.
“Don’t give me kings, Lord.”
*****
Last January, I was working through Lysa Terkeurst’s Trustworthy Bible Study. I learned so much from it, but one of the lasting lessons was how the people asked for a king to rule them.
Like God wasn’t good enough.
You can read the encounter in 1 Samuel 8. You’ll see how the people no longer want to be ruled by God; they want to be like the other nations. They want a human being sitting on a throne, ruling in a tangible way that they can see. In a way they can understand.
In short, they’ve had it with this “being special” business. They want to be like everyone else.
And so the mess begins.
They have the most impressive King, the only One who isn’t restrained by human frailty or the limitations that come with wearing this skin of flesh, and somehow it isn’t enough. They want more.
*****
I don’t know about you, but I catch myself in that same place sometimes. I can’t help but feel so convicted over the things I’ve demanded from Heaven because I wanted them, because I wanted to be like others.
How many times have I broken God’s heart, forsaking Him and essentially telling Him I want someone or something other than Him to rule my life?
I’ve spent so much time being upset and scared that God wouldn’t give me what I wanted when I should have been terrified of getting what I asked for to the detriment of my relationship with Him.
God help me. God help us. May our desires never rise above our love for the Father. May we not forsake or neglect Him in heart or choice.
May He be the reigning King in our lives, now and forevermore.
And may all other desires bow in submission to Him.
As always, spot on what we fail to see we are doing when seeking His grace.
When we finally hand it all, lock stock and barrel into His hands, life seems a bit more easy to maneuver through.
Well said my friend, so glad He chooses your graceful words to speak to us through.
“And may all other desires bow in submission to Him.”
Through the tender outpouring of your heart, I find myself, (yet again) carrying the burdened need to fall at the feet of Jesus.
I don’t ever want to be the woman so full of pride and paranoia for the fear of on-lookers judging me, that I withhold full submission to He Who Alone can forgive, refresh and heal my soul. I heard an old saint, who has now made her crossing, stand with a quivering voice and feeble hands, say “May I be the woman who rides the altar until I cross the shore.”
It was her small, humble way of saying that she doesn’t care what people think or say, it’s her and Jesus. To be submissive enough to die out continually to self, for full certainty that NOTHING will go uncovered. To know that you know.
It is her that I think of often. That frail saint, was a living example of a fierce woman who refuses to give in or give up.
You, Courtney LaShea, are just a younger version of this beautiful soul.
Thank you for always pouring your heart out in words, and being an example in your pursuit of God.